Does anyone actually read this shit anymore?  I'm feeling very unloved right now. 

I've started a new charity. It's called "The Buy Christie a New Pair of Titties Foundation". Everytime you shop with our sponsors, I earn money. That brings me closer to the $3000 I need for a tit job. So shop away and help me reach my goal. Thank you.

It's been reported that Lance Bass from N' Suck has come forward and said that he is in fact gay.  This brings up two questions.  1. Are we really surprised?  2. When are the other members, along with the members of the Backdoor Boys and 98 Disease, gonna come out of the closet?

Greg did this on his blog, so I'm gonna do it as well, as I also need gas money. For those who don't know, when you click these links and shop, I make money. So please, shop away.

So Matt and I were talking about the Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce, and he came up with the idea that Sir Paul should do a remake of the song "Golddigger".  I have given this some thought and decided I would make this post to show what that would be like.  Basically, I have too much time on my hands.  So here it is, Paul McCartney's "Golddigger":

[Jamie Foxx]
She take my money when I'm in need
Yea she's a trifflin friend indeed
Oh she's a gold digga way over town
That digs on me

[Chorus:]
(She give me money)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)
But she aint messin wit no broke blokes
(She give me money)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)
but she aint messin wit no broke blokes
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head


[Verse 1:]
Cutie the bomb
Met her at a charity event
With a baby louis vuitton
Under her underarm
She said I can tell you rock
I can tell by ya charm
Far as girls you got a flock
I can tell by ya charm and ya arm
but I'm lookin for the one
have you seen her
My psychic told me she'll have a ass like Serena
Trina, Jennifer Lopez
An I gotta take all they bad ass to show-biz
Ok get ya friends
I Pulled up in the Benz, they all got up in
We all went to din and then I had to pay
If you f**kin with this girl then you betta be paid
You know why
It take too much to touch her
I dont care what none of ya'll say I still love her

[Chorus:]
(She give me money)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)
But she aint messin wit no broke blokes
(She give me money)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)
but she aint messin wit no broke blokes
get down girl go head get down (on your knees)
get down girl go head get down (on your knees)
get down girl go head get down (on your knees)
get down girl go head

[Verse 2:]
18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo kids got you for 18 years
I'll be payin child support for my kid
You will see him on Telly Any Given Sunday
Win the World Cup and drive off in a Hyundai
She was spose to buy my shorty TYCO with my money
She went to the doctor got lipo with my money
She walkin around lookin like Michael with my money
Should of got that insured, Lloyd's for my moneeey
If you aint no punk holla We Want Prenup
WE WANT PRENUP!, Yeaah
It's something that you need to have
Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half


[Chorus:]
(She give me money)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)
But she aint messin wit no broke blokes
(She give me money)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)
but she aint messin wit no broke blokes
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head

[Verse 3:]
Now I aint sayin you a gold digger you got needs
You dont want a dude to smoke but he can't buy weed
You go out to eat and he cant pay yall cant leave
There's dishes in the back, he gotta roll up his sleeves
But while yall washin watch him
He gone make it into a Benz out of that Datsun
He got that ambition baby look in his eyes
This week he moppin floorz next week it's the chips
So, stick by his side
I know his dude's ballin but yea thats nice
And they gone keep callin and tryin
But you stay right girl
But when you get on he leave yo ass for another girl

Get down girl go head get down
Get down girl go head get down
get down girl go head get down
get down girl go head
(lemme hear that back)

So I saw on the news a few days ago where Sir Paul is divorcing his wife.  I say good!  She was nothing but a gold digger anyways.  And then they say her friends were calling him a boring old fool.  What the fuck?!  He was a Beatle, for fuck sake!  She should consider herself lucky.  I tell ya what, Heather, I'd take that boring old fool.  He may be in his 60s, but he's still fucking hot.  I also saw on a tabloid the other day at work that he is trying to get custody of the baby.  I don't know how true that is, being that it was on a tabloid.  But I hope he does.  Who in their right mind is gonna deny custody to Paul McCartney.  The wealthiest musician in England.  Lastly, I heard a few years back that she got all pissy cause he wanted to visit this spot that he and Linda used to go to.  She is just a jealous bitch!  She is not Linda and she never will be.  Well, I don't have much else to say on the matter.  I want to know what you guys think.

Here recently, a certain individual (who shall remain nameless) has turned all douch bag on me.  Then the fucker wonders why I get nasty back.  Well asshole, you don't know me.  But I think the lyrics to this song will pretty much explain it:

I sit back with this pack of Zig Zags and this bag
Of this weed it gives me the shit needed to be
The most meanest MC on this -- on this Earth
And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve
All this tension dispensin these sentences
Gettin this stress that's been eatin me recently off of this chest
And I rest again peacefully (peacefully)..
But at least have the decency in you
To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out
In the streets when I'm eatin or feedin my daughter
To not come and speak to me (speak to me)..
I don't know you and no,
I don't owe you a mo-therfuck-in thing
I'm not Mr. N'Sync, I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick
If you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)..
No patience is in me and if you offend me
I'm liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet).. in the air
I don't care who is there and who saw me destroy you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of arguin' (of arguin')..
I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be is just me

[Chorus: Eminem]

And I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

[Eminem]
Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be bothered
With all of this nonsense it's constant
And, "Oh, it's his lyrical content -
- the song 'Guilty Conscience' has gotten such rotten responses"
And all of this controversy circles me
And it seems like the media immediately
Points a finger at me (finger at me)..
So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie
Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
When you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up
With the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn (on Marilyn).. and the heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it's at
Middle America, now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see, an upper class ci-ty
Havin this happenin (this happenin)..
Then attack Eminem cause I rap this way (rap this way)..
But I'm glad cause they feed me the fuel that I need for the fire
To burn and it's burnin and I have returned

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
I'm so sick and tired of bein admired
That I wish that I would just die or get fired
And dropped from my label and stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top on "My Name is.."
And pigeon-holed into some pop-py sensation
To cop me rotation at rock'n'roll stations
And I just do not got the patience (got the patience)..
To deal with these cocky caucasians who think
I'm some wigger who just tries to be black cause I talk
With an accent, and grab on my balls, so they always keep askin
The same fuckin questions (fuckin questions)..
What school did I go to, what hood I grew up in
The why, the who what when, the where, and the how
'til I'm grabbin my hair and I'm tearin it out
Cause they drivin me crazy (drivin me crazy).. I can't take it
I'm racin, I'm pacin, I stand and I sit
And I'm thankful for ev-ery fan that I get
But I can't take a SHIT, in the bathroom
Without someone standin by it
No I won't sign your autograph
You can call me an asshole I'm glad

So you see, asshole, you push me and I'm gonna strike back.  So enough with the fucking threats!  That's the last I have to say about it.  Now I'm going to ignore your stupid ass.  You are dead to me.  GOODBYE!

 

I don't normally listen to this kinda music, but this song holds special meaning to me.  I dedicate it to those who abused me and made me feel like a freak.

When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Oh, ohh

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Check this out:

http://www.newsandsentinel.com/obit/articles.asp?articleID=2315

Look at the guy's nickname.  That is so fucking funny.  My charge nurse showed it to me last night.  She's gonna send it to Jay Leno.  Think it'll make it on the air?
 

For those of you who plan to travel to the UK, here's a crash course on some British words:
wanker- idiot or a male who masterbates too much
tosser- idiot
cunt- you should pretty much know what this means, but over there it also refers to males
twat- see "cunt".  Is pronounced like "at" and not "ought"
fag- cigarette (not homosexual)
nip- go
bangers- sausage
mash- mashed potatoes
knick- steal
boot- trunk
I'm skint- I'm broke
knackered- tired
soz- sorry
seen-cool
ace- great
bollocks- testicles
the dogs bollocks- good
trouble & strife- wife
buggery- anal intercourse or cornholing
bugger- fuck
shite- shit
arse- ass
can't be arsed- can't be bothered
doing my head in- driving me nuts
having a go- giving someone a hard time
row- arguement
cheeky- rotten
fanny- female genitalia (not butt)
nance- sissy boy
having a piss up- going bar hopping
pissed- drunk
lift- elevator
flat- apartment
petrol- gasoline
knickers- panties
hooving- sucking cock
chips- fries
crisps- potato chips
loo- restroom
queue- line
cheers- have a nice day
ta- goodbye
bloke- man
lad- boy
bird- female
oi- hey
mates- friends
flatmates- roommates
sod off- fuck off
cheeky sod- rotten fucker
shag- to have sex
face sitting- cunnilingus
pisshead- alcoholic
trumpbox boot boy- homosexual
pikey- gypsey
tart, trollop, scrubber- slut
brill- short for brilliant
fab- short for fabulous
having a wank- masturbating
mum- mother


Well, that's about all I can think of.  If anyone can think of anything else, let me know.  Why am I posting this, you ask?  Because I'm bloody well bored, you fucking twats.  Maybe what I need is a good shag.